11th
Sex and sleep
I’m feeling much better this morning than I was last night. I could barely fall asleep last night; I kept tossing and turning and trying to find a not uncomfortable position. BF waited it out patiently, accommodating himself to whatever space I left after each of my flips. I fell asleep, finally, and dreamt odd dreams about doctor’s appointments, blood tests, and babies. These dreams are constant. In the morning hours I suddenly wanted to pull close to him and did although he soon had to get up for work (he leaves a full hour before I).
I also had the first sex dream I’ve had in a while…and it was a weird one. I dreamt that I was in Italy and that I was on vacation with a cousin who doesn’t exist in my real life. She was about to get married but I accidentally walked in on her in a room having sex with two men—one underneath her and one in her mouth. It was incredibly odd but I also found that it turned me on a bit—something which definitely has not been happening lately.
We haven’t had sex since Saturday (we used to nearly every day) and I just haven’t had the desire too. I feel chubby and cranky and scared and I want is for my boyfriend to either cuddle and hold me or leave me alone. I looked around and the sex drive thing is normal; it’s all mixed up with the hormones and emotions. I keep wondering if maybe I should just do it…if maybe it’ll make me feel better or normal again. Not that boyfriend is forcing the issue because he absolutely is not. He’s been wonderful about it…I think he can sense that it’s just not really the right time right now…
